Lost .....

11 weeks ago,I found out I was pregnant, Few weeks after that, the doctor confirmed , It's a twin, But she warned of the risks, Mixed emotion, Worried,sad,happy,overwhelmed, God is great I was getting the hold of it, Last Tuesday another check up, Was feeling good, Morning sickness had eased up, Looking at the screen, Babies looked ok, But I noticed something, Where's the heart beats doc??? Then she said it, The nightmare that I did not want to hear, She asked me to wait, Leaving hospital with tears in my eyes, Hoping for miracle, Wanting for a second opinion, Mama said patience,mak said dont cry, Went for the second doc, Seeing them there, No heart beats, Kills me inside!! God knows how I wished I dont blame myself,r What I've done,what I've ate?? Thank Allah for people around me, For Ai'syah,for hubby, For those who care, I thank you... Though this might be the toughest moment for me, I'm glad I had all of you, My family,my friends,my hubby;my hero....

Al-fatihah..

Yesterday,early in the morning my usual routine starts with subuh prayers,then ipad browsing..i saw my highschool senior status that said that one of her batchmate passed away the night before after fighting a battle with breast cancer..i burst into tears,i should have visited her during raya,i should have looked for her address..i was filled with guilt..:(i was planning to do soo,but..there's always a but...no used of talking about it,just make me felt more guilty.. I didn't had the chance to see her after highschool,she was my sister batchmate,my roomates when i was in form1,hour beds were next to each other,i remember how sporty she was,how she smell in the morning before heading to class,she used to wore top-to-toe Enchanter showel gel,lotion,and perfume...She was tall,totally cheerful,and ready to cheer me up whenever I'm down..We've came accrossed through our facebook pictures,and status....she did mentioned that she's sick but never really mentioned about what kind of sickness she's dealing,only those whose closed knew cause she did starts blogging for a short time...today i read her blog,she manage to write 10 entries which started in July,knowing her for that short period of time,I knew she was such a strong person,fighting a battle that only God knows how painful it is.. I cant stop crying reading this one entry about her daughter whose turning 7 years old next year,and how smart she is..all i can do is pray for her,and for her family to carry on with their lives..al- fatihah..

our 3rd raya...

After a few weeks of playing nurse at home cause Ai'syah got chicken pox and then she got tummy infection(saddest part was seeing her refusing food, that's another entry)We had a blissful raya!This year,baba 's turn,then off to Pekan!wehooo!more people,more houses to go to,we all got cirit-birit cause overate ! dose tau,org kat Somalia tak cukup makan,gile tak wasatiah!anyway,Ai'syah is back on munching almost everything,alhamdulillah!I can see her cheek again!slamat hari raye semua!

MIA

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MIA!

Salam,its been quite some time not wrting,reasons are many but don't need to write that iI guess?
It's Ramadhan,my favourite months of the year!alhamdulillah,looking forward to fast again since I was visited by aunt flow on the 1st Ramadhan,thank you very much.poor hubby was fasting alone,poor bubu...
Anyway,I think I did mentioned that I hope to be pregnant again this year..?Well,no need drumrolls,not happening yet..:'( sad,but I know,Allah has plans for me,so let the nature run its course...I was obbssed at some point,counting my period,checking dates for my ovulation,crazy huh?Teary eyes when aunt flow came,i hate it!i was driving myself crazy,thankfully hubby was such a good sport.Always knows how to deal withbmy sadness..saborjela,kawen ngan drama queen kan?
On that note,lets talk about my darling princess!She talks her own language that only sometimes I can understand..She mimicked almost every single thing that she saw me doing,putting on make-ups,cooking,praying,etc.Still fully breastfed,she's starteddrinking choc formula milk these past few weeks,but only as breakfast drinks.Very talkative,full of energy ( did i mentioned Nur Ai'syah means cahaya yang hidup?) exactly what she is!Till then ,happy fasting peeps!