Lost .....

11 weeks ago,I found out I was pregnant, Few weeks after that, the doctor confirmed , It's a twin, But she warned of the risks, Mixed emotion, Worried,sad,happy,overwhelmed, God is great I was getting the hold of it, Last Tuesday another check up, Was feeling good, Morning sickness had eased up, Looking at the screen, Babies looked ok, But I noticed something, Where's the heart beats doc??? Then she said it, The nightmare that I did not want to hear, She asked me to wait, Leaving hospital with tears in my eyes, Hoping for miracle, Wanting for a second opinion, Mama said patience,mak said dont cry, Went for the second doc, Seeing them there, No heart beats, Kills me inside!! God knows how I wished I dont blame myself,r What I've done,what I've ate?? Thank Allah for people around me, For Ai'syah,for hubby, For those who care, I thank you... Though this might be the toughest moment for me, I'm glad I had all of you, My family,my friends,my hubby;my hero....

Al-fatihah..

Yesterday,early in the morning my usual routine starts with subuh prayers,then ipad browsing..i saw my highschool senior status that said that one of her batchmate passed away the night before after fighting a battle with breast cancer..i burst into tears,i should have visited her during raya,i should have looked for her address..i was filled with guilt..:(i was planning to do soo,but..there's always a but...no used of talking about it,just make me felt more guilty.. I didn't had the chance to see her after highschool,she was my sister batchmate,my roomates when i was in form1,hour beds were next to each other,i remember how sporty she was,how she smell in the morning before heading to class,she used to wore top-to-toe Enchanter showel gel,lotion,and perfume...She was tall,totally cheerful,and ready to cheer me up whenever I'm down..We've came accrossed through our facebook pictures,and status....she did mentioned that she's sick but never really mentioned about what kind of sickness she's dealing,only those whose closed knew cause she did starts blogging for a short time...today i read her blog,she manage to write 10 entries which started in July,knowing her for that short period of time,I knew she was such a strong person,fighting a battle that only God knows how painful it is.. I cant stop crying reading this one entry about her daughter whose turning 7 years old next year,and how smart she is..all i can do is pray for her,and for her family to carry on with their lives..al- fatihah..

a note for my young ladies....

Salam,my morning today was ruined by a disturbing simple sms.An old internet friend of hubby decided to said hello and asking him how's his been as early as 8.30 in the morning.I knew she meant no harm.But she have his YM,FB.Do texting early in the morning needed?Really?Tell me if I'm crazy?But how would you feel if a girl text your husband that early just to say hello?Have you no respect for me at all?I do not want to start name calling which I may already put it on my FB.But hey,you crossed the the LINE!I'm sorry if I sounds emotional..But I have my limit,so should you..

It's life...

Today,a friend lost her husband...She's 8th months pregnant coming to the final trimester next week..They just finished packing,he just bought them a new home...He just bought a movie tickets for tonight,they wanted to have a date night...In the afternoon,he collapsed..And the rest is history..
We were all shocked...Stunned..Lost of words...I found myself lost,I don't know what to say to her,cause all that I can see that,I couldn't imagine myself in her shoes..No words can console her..I was trying very hard not to cry,seeing her,swollen and teary eyes..Only God knows how she really felt..And all that I can said was:"sabar eh.."
Praying for my dear Yvone..I hope she'll be given strenght to carry on..

Welcoming 2010...

Salam..been staring these pages for few weeks,I suffered from writer's block.huhu...By the way,last 27th Dec my marriage turned 2 years.We had our little vacation at Colmare Tropical,Bukit Tinggi.(so-called-French-countryside-NOT!)That will be featured on another entry which will include lots of pictures and complaints.
Nevertheless,we hit our end of this year with a bit of sour note.Hubby got some setbacks at work which worried him,which make me worried too seeing him worried..haih..Allah never test something that you couldn't handle right?Therefore I'm all ears for my dear hubby.Not letting him felt worried or agitated at home is my only mission for now.Men, in this case my men,will tend to cave their emotion when shits happened like this happened.Their not like women-me in my case,who express their emotion with crying and talking about it to almost every friend they could find.Therefore,I rather just be there for him whenever he needs me..I love you Booboo..:)
As for new year celebration there's nothing to celebrate really cause our new year(Muslim) was last Muharram.Okayla so we had dinner with few friends last night..That's soo not celebrating new year..We were soo full,(Alahamdulillah..)that by the time we reached home,all three of us felt asleep despite the fact that there's like a 20 loud sounds of fireworks around our place.This restaurant that we we went was amazing!The food,the ambiance,the price..Will be featured in the next entry!promise!
Owh..these year will also starts with me taking care of our lil Adreanna...aaaw..baby smell...ummi loike!Praying that she's adjust to me and Ai'syah adjust to her very well..amin...then we can start making baby for ourselves..hohoho!

the right time to perform Hajj?

When you're still young..When you're still healthy...When you have the money...If I'm not mistaken what our Ustaz told us on our Umrah's prep class..Ustaz said,make do'a if you don't have the money yet...InshaAllah,He will answered your prayers... Never underestimate the power of a good intention..subhanAllah..
If you've been to Makkah...you'll see it by yourselves that whatever you wished,you get it..You said its hot,you will feel hot...If you said,its not that hot,then,its really not that hot..You're in the Holy ground,and patience is the only way to go...And it pays...At the end of the day,the patience that you've been practicing will sticks with you..inshaAllah..
I know you think I'm rambling....the fact that I wanna don't wanna wait till I'm old to perform Hajj kind of the starts of these topic..Everytime the Hajj season came,I wanted to cry...Dear Allah...please...I wanna go there before I'm old,that is IF I lived that long to grow old...subhanAllah...

Top Chef madness!!

I'm a sucker for cooking shows!yes I am..I'm inspired to cook just by watching others cooks.I'm no chef,but I am honestly dying to learn how to cook those expensive small meal that I saw these chef's are cooking..seriously,I already putting it in my bucket list..LOL..have to at least learn how to make one gourmet meal.Really like to taste it..hmm..hubby,anniversary dinner this year maybe?
And to make my appetite for this food even stronger this Top Chef show just what I need!They make cooking looks like an art!And I'm loving it...Wonder if should reconsider a new career option,a chef maybe??

*recipe for these low fat berry cheesecake by one of my fav Top Chef Season2.

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak...

Alhamdulillah,its the time of the year again.The most beautiful month given by the Almighty.I call it my most peaceful month..Its not that I'm always not in peace,its just something about Ramadhan that always seems to give this sense of ease..Seriously,don't you feel the same?
My last Ramadhan was a bit challenging as I was carrying Nur Ai'syah for the 8th months.The craving,the heart burns,the cramps,the backache,and the on-and-off morning-sickness...As crazy as it sounds,I'll be happy to do it all over again..(just not this soonla!)Dispites all that,I still able to cook and made my own kueh for breakfast last year,not to mention my determination to make 6 different types of cookies for Eid was a huge success.
This year?With Ai'syah non-stops babling and trying to walk and crawling and licking,and eating every single thing that she can get a hold off,I'm officially fully occupied.Unless her baba is home,I find it impossible to concentrate in the kitchen,unless I put her on her high chair which would irritates her less than 5 minutes.I don't think that I'll be as productive as I was last year..LOL!
Any who,as suggested by my dearly husband,who is very confident that we will get orders for our infamous kueh sarang semut, I will try my best to concentrate in fulfilling all the orders (soo far 10 boxes)Okla tuh...not soo bad..Praying that at the same time,I will be able to do as much ibadah as I can on this month regardless on how hard its been trying to catch-up with Ai'syah..
(ummi's not complaining about you dear,just telling how well you're doing these days..:))
To those who's been reading this,I pray that all of us to have a blissful Ramadhan...InsyaAllah..

Dugaan...

Dalam hidup ini,kite sentiase di uji dan sedar atau tidak kite juge menguji diri dan orang di sekeliling kite.Tak kira apa jua ujian itu sebagai hamba di bumi Allah ini seharusnya kita sedar bahawa ujian2 ini jugalah yang mengukur keimanan dan ketaqwaan kita kepada Yang Maha Esa. Saya juga kadang2 lalai dan lupa tentang hakikat itu,tapi semenjak melahirkan seorang amanah dari Allah yang kami namakan Nur Ai'syah,saya rasa pandangan saya tentang perkara di sekeliling semakin berbeza.Segala-galanya semakin jelas,sesetengah persoalan yang tak pernah dapat dijawab seakan-akan terbuka dengan sendiri..Kenapa hari ini bicara saya serius sebegini?Mungkin kerana sesuatu telah terjadi menyebabkan saya mahu berkongsi.Ingatlah,ujian dan dugaan yang Allah beri pasti ada hikmahnya.Janganlah kita alpa dengan dugaan dunia,semuanya sementara..Tolonglah ingat amanah Allah kepada kita..Ya Allah...Maha Besar,Maha Mengetahui, permudahkanlah segala urusan kami Ya Allah...amin...

p/s:saya bukan berceramah,tapi mengingatkan diri sendiri dan sape2 yg mungkin membaca blog ini...WaAllahhuallam..

Murah!Murah!

Walaupun saye tidak se-nerd kakak saya,tapi saye ade satu hobi yang agak bermanfaat iaitu membeli buku.Tak kire buku lame ke buku baru,saye suke perasaan di kelilingi oleh buku2.Dulu zaman2 Shahputra,bile saye stress saye pergi Popular sorang2 dan duduk dekat celah2 rak buku smbil bace buku smpi budak dlm kedai tu pandang saye tak puas hati.(Eleh nanti org belila!)
Cinta pade buku cerite ni memang wujud dari kecik,terime kasih kepada mama saya yang rajin bawak kiteorg pg kedai buku takpun hadiah birthday,mesti buku cerite.
Kembali kepade tajuk diatas,kakak saye selaku org kuat Goodreads Malaysia dah lame ajak syae ke Amcorp Mall sbb ade satu kedai buku ni yang entah camane boleh jual harge yang sgt murah berbanding kedai2 buke biasa.Saye ade jugak tgk website kedai ni dan sgt teruje,cume suami saye bukan jenis orang yg suke duduk dlm kedai buku lame2,so die pun cam buat2 tak dengor je bile sy ajak kesitu.
Sampaila beberape minggu lepas saye bacekan Ai'syah buku yg kakak saye belikan utk anak2 die,dan Ai'syah sungguh teruje barulah die ajak saye cari buku untuk anakanda kami..(thank you Ai'syah!)Bile kami msk dlm kedai tu,kami due2 gelak,mak ai!murahnye buku kat sini!buku baru tau!Entah brape byk OMG kuar dr mulut saye bile tgk harge buku dlm kedai ni.Jadi skrg,takde alasan lagi utk tidak membace!InsyaAllah,tahun ini usaha membaca akan di pertingkatkan!Amin!

p/s:special thanks to kakak kerane memperkenalkan kami dgn BookXcess!

About A Boy..

Last weekend was all about friends and family..We went to Hadi's new ginormous house not knowing that most of his family members are also there visiting.There me and Alya met Hadi's cousin named Arif,an 8 years old boy who is very2 cute(jambu giler!) and very2 smart.And if I may add, very2 polite. When the mens decided to hang around on the balcony of the 3rd floor, we stayed inside as we do not appriciate being the second-hand smokers,this boy politely asked if he could sit with us.What started as a simple hi then continued to be this long conversation about Arif's telling us story on how one each of characters in his PS3 games killed each other(the boy had a photographic memory).Then he started to teach us these texting shortform such R.U.N.S?(are you an ass),I.C.U.P (I see you pee!) MINS?(am I an ass?).And we were like,owh..okay..(we felt soo old,thank u Arif)Then comes his jokes:

• Farmer A sells fish,Farmer B sells meat.what did Farmer C sells?:Pharmacy-medicine la!
• When is the Irish potatoes are not Irish?:when it became French fries!

and etc.May I remind you that he is 8 years old?and he speak fairly good English.I just wish I had his picture taken soo that I can show you guys how cute this boy is!hehe..Talking to this boy reminded me of my childhood,how different they are,and how much different would it be for my little girl..I think Arif's parents did a very good job in raising him (dispite the texting part,he learnt it from his sisters)and pray that one day I'll be able to be the best Ummi to Ai'syah..

p/s:Arif nak jadi menantu aunty tak??LOL!

~~@#!!!##$$%~~

~feeling unappreciated~

~why,oh why~

~though I know I'm being tested~

~My dear GOD ,only YOU know how I felt~

work..not working..working???

Yes!The decision is final,I will not be working untill further notice..When it comes to that darling big sparkling eyes girl, "I" are now turned into us or we.As much as I would like to work,she's is always on top of my list as I said before.Here's some of my pro's and con's:

Pro's:(InsyaAllah)

• I would not missed her first laugh,first word,etc.


• we both would not be worried about leaving her to strangers.


• She would be able to be fully breastfeed exclusively.
  

Con's:

• Me not having my own money..(financial independency)


• me not having my own space (really?hehehe,ai'syah sleeps at 8pm)


• me having my low-self esteem syndrome again when I'm around friends who work
  

Conclusion:

The word "me" cannot be used in my case,she and we and us are more like it..As I poured out this thoughts to my very young but wise girlfriend, she then said to me " Kak Lin,janganla you risau dgn duit yg you mungkin takle nk bg kat mama you bulan2, mungkin bukan masenye lagi..Sape tahu setahun dua lagi camane,Tak semua orang sekaye you skrg,ade anak,ade suami, ade keluarge yg sayang.."

P/s:How I am glad to have a friend like you...Thank you dear..:))

Berat mate memandang,berat lagi bahu memikul..

Alah,pegi jelah,bln 6 nanti bleh buat rayuan..kejap jer..Rugi tak pegi,susah nak dapat posting dh sekarang ni..Takkan taknak keje?Penat belajar tuh..
Hmm..sedapnyer memberi nasihat..Tak nampak ke budak kecik kat tangan saye ni?Suami saye bkn keje cam suami org lain,weekend cuti boleh dtg..Sape plak yang kate saye taknak keje??Dah tak pg posting,tmpt lain takle keje ker?Teruk sangat ke keje swasta?Mati ke kene blacklist ngan KPM?Dalam hati ku seru, "sabarla fadzlin, orang lagi senang bercakap ttg ape yg tak jadi kat dieorg,latak die kat tmpt kite,blum tentu die bleh handle.."
Mama saye keje swasta, dari saye kecik, adelah 3 kali saye pg cek kat hospital kerajaan.Yer,mama saye takde pencen,tp saye tau klu mama bleh sara kiteorg berlime,kenape tak saye dgn suami yg bekerje?Saye yakin,insyaAllah rezeki saye ade di tempat lain..Memang senang menasihat,tapi klu kite tak penah ade ditempat org tu,jgnla lebey2..Pikirla pepatah diatas...
Saye tak pergi posting bkn sebab saye terpakse berkorban demi anak dan suami..Saye tak pergi kerane saye yakin ini yang terbaik buat kami bertiga..saya masih merangkak membina sebuah keluarga, dan saye yakin yang rezeki ade di mane2..Allah menguji saye kerana Dia tahu,saya mampu hadapi semua ini...So,kawan2:let me know if there's any jobs vacancies for me aite?

apela....

nak kate bodo ade degree..ade diploma...gambor personal,klu nak letak kat fb jgnla bagi seme org tgk...kan bende tu boleh ditapis...haih..tak pasal2...org yg tak besalah menanggung malu....sian adik yg comey lote...ex-bf yang dah jadi ex...emo sungguh rasenyer memikir ke"cerdikan" seorg pempuan ni...haih..reporter m'sia skrg pun satu, mmg senang keje..amek jerla citer dr blogger yg kumpul gossip..pastu publish kat paper,janji jual...adik ke kakak artis tak kire,janji blakang bleh letak artis kire bolehla...seme pun dah nk jadi ala-ala US tabloid,selagi boleh..kakak,abg,adik,nenek, seme korang nk hentam...cubela bagi gossip yg menarik sket klu yer pun nk tulis gossip...dok gitu?

I'm not ready to make nice...

Yesterday while I was browsing my tv's channel I stop at these particular documentary on one of the movie channel.It is basically about the Dixie Chicks and how they were struggling from this one controversial comments that one of them made about Bush who was the president at that particular time.(I think its in 2003).Anyway,one of them said that they're ashamed that Bush came from Texas cause he was all into wars at that time.And being one of the leading country band they are,almost all these typical rednecks that are the main listener to country music were angry at them..They practically boycotted them and they even get a death threats..Craayyyzeee!I know..

Anyway,after all the nasty stuff they have to go through,in 2005 they came out with a single entittled :I'm not ready to make nice. Proclaiming that they would not appologized with the whole stuff cause they are right..Guess what?They gain more fan from outside the country music world and won five out of five Grammy's nomination that year!I guess it's true what they said"there is no such thing as bad publicity?"Anyway, I love this songs and its lyric...Yesterday only I discover the whole story of the song.. My internet is acting up soo I can't really post the video clip here..:(

p.s:I also found out that the lead singer is Nathan Petrelli's (Heroes) wife!hehe..

sale!sale!

Yer...perkataan kegemaran Fadzlin dan suami..hehe..Tahun lepas kakak ajak pegi cam malas,sebab cam tak berkaitan sangat.."Buat apela aku nak pegi My Dear Warehouse Sale?"Tahun ni,ha!Siap promote kat seme orang,jomla pegi..Kakak dan cousin2 saye kate memang murah,stroller seratus lebey jer!(cam makcik2 kan?)Sindrom bakal menjadi makcik sudah hampir nampak nyer..Dulu kalau Vincci sale,mak ai cam nak demam selagi tak dapat pegi..Sekarang..Kalu lalu tepi Vincci tengah sale tetapla stop,pegang2,try,pastu cam..haih,tak yahla..pakai Crocs ni lagi best..Padahal dulu kalu kasut tak bertumit memang tak pandang..Seriously bukan pasal harga, ni semua pasal comfort..

Mase kat UPM ade sampai argue ngan sorang member ni..I told her,save your money and spend it on one good pair of shoes, biar mahal tapi boleh pakai lame.Cause she kept buying new shoes every month from the same shop..She was saying "bukan seme orang can affort to buy expensive shoes or have others buy for them (guilty-as-charge)." But then again,its not the question rite?Unless you're into fashion's in and out,maybe you will get bored with the same shoes in a month. You're a student, your money may come from your parents or your schoolarship.Why would you want to spend it to 12 pairs of shoes per year?

I meant, I love shoes too..but I am also well aware of my current position at that particular time as a student...But then I remember my diploma years, when Vincci was my best friends, I would buy a pair everytime there's a sale..Cause I wear high-heels to class..(Yes, I was young and stupid) haha!What on earth was I thinking??(I must not be thinking then?)

Anyway, I think changes that happened arounds you change you...Your way of thinking,your style,and your values are the things that makes you what you are there and then..And honestly, I think I'm starting to to love these changes though sometimes I think " Owh God, I'm one of the makciks now?"